I saw this posted by the Diocese of Florida. Follow this 13-step program if you want to blow up your church.
1. Don't come.
2. If you do come, come late.
3. If it is too wet, too dry, too hot, too cold, stay home.
4. When you come, be sure to find fault.
5. Don't do anything to help.
6. Don't take part in the services.
7. Don't encourage the rector. S/he doesn't need it.
8. Don't put more than one dollar in the plate.
9. Don't pay your pledges-- the treasurer can borrow money to pay bills.
10. If you have a friend who doesn't go to church, use your influence to keep him at home.
11. Consider that your church is conducted for your benefit only.
12. Believe everything you hear. Never investigate.
13. If everything is running smoothly, start something.