It is hard to lose a loved one. It is even harder when their death was apparently preventable, and had been hastened by mistakes made during a surgery. That seems to be the case with Harold James "Jim" Crochet, the husband of my friend, Craig, and a former long-term care ombudsman for the state of Florida. His death was tragic, and happened in the home. He literally passed away in Craig's arms.
I reached out to my friend when he posted his agony on Facebook. Craig immediately asked if I would serve as the celebrant at Jim's funeral, whenever it would happen. And I said it would be my honor.
Within about 24 hours, I was getting noticed that the funeral would be happening on Sunday, September 29th at St. John's Episcopal Church in Tallahassee. My head was spinning. At that time, we were less than two weeks out from this announced date and I hadn't had a chance to sit down with Craig or Jim's brother, Glen.
Hurricane Helene interrupted the plan. Dignitaries invited to be on hand for this man who had been a champion of LGBT+ seniors needed to get it on their calendars. And St. John's, which is a beautiful, stately cathedral looking church, had its own funerals and several weddings that had already been taken for any weekend dates. We finally settled on October 15th at 3pm.
And I finally had a chance to sit with Craig and Glen and join with them in their place of grief and mourning, anger and frustration, and I got to learn more about this man who I had only had the pleasure of meeting once at Craig's retirement party from the Florida Supreme Court. I wish I had gotten to know him better.
But I took what I had gathered...prayed...and gave back to a congregation of mostly so-called "unchurched" queers... a picture of Jim as more than just their friend and partner, but an advocate who embodied all the qualities of a good and faithful servant of God.
See what you think.
Texts: Isaiah 61: 1-3, Psalm 23, John 14:1-6
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Friends…let us pray: may the words of my mouth and the meditations
of our hearts be always acceptable in your sight, O God our strength and our
redeemer. Amen.
Many thanks to all of you for being here for Craig and for
Glenn…and thank you to Jon, Rep. Tant, and Nadine for your words and offering
some more context for Jim’s life…his purpose…and helping Craig tell the story
of his beloved partner and the pain surrounding the circumstances of his death.
There are no words to soften the hard realities.
The prophet Isaiah exclaims:
“The spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me,
he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed,
to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives
and release to the prisoners…”
For those who heard those words many centuries ago…this was some good
news.
This was said to a people who were feeling crushed…and
brokenhearted and lonely after being conquered and carted away by a hostile
empire.
Now the prophet Isaiah was proclaiming their freedom.
They could go back to their homeland and breathe easy again.
These words are ones that Jesus read aloud in the temple in Luke’s
Gospel.
This was the passage that Jesus read from the scroll as he was proclaiming
his purpose and reason for being.
They expressed the meaning of his earthly ministry…a ministry of
freedom for those who were oppressed…and kindness to those who desperately
needed someone to show them love.
These are the words that ring true for every person who makes that bold
commitment to making their life about serving others.
Those guardian angels on earth who are the friends to the
friendless.
The people who have that spirit within them that sharpens their
vision, so they see those who others so easily ignore.
The ones who advocate for the least…the lowest… and those getting
lost by the system.
These words paint a picture of the child protection investigator…and
the commitment and attention needed to be the long-term care ombudsmen in a
state where the most vulnerable require an advocate grounded in loving
kindness.
These are words that are befitting of Jim Crochet.
Truly the spirit of the Lord was upon Jim…to live out a life of
service rooted in Love.
A love that was strengthened and sustained in a partnership with
Craig…and informed from a life of growing up in a military family…coming out of
the bayous of Louisiana.
It’s our life experiences that inform how we live and move and have
our being.
And the spirit of God implanted in Jim from his experiences gave
him a deep belief in justice.
An abiding and unwavering sense that he could do his part to bring
about a more just outcome for those who have been pushed down… and beaten up by
the world.
Certainly Jim…and those of us in the LGBTQ community in
Florida…know that it takes persistence and patience…and a whole lot of strength
to stand up to the bullies and tyrants.
It also takes a heart that has been broken…and knows the sting of
rejection… to have the compassionate care to be a loving and loyal advocate.
Standing on the side of the powerless…going to the mat for
someone’s grandmother…parent…or spouse who is getting ignored and abused in a
facility…isn’t the work that gains a whole lot of fame and fortune.
But for those who hear those words of Isaiah…who feel that spirit
of God saying: release the captives…free the oppressed…comfort the
brokenhearted….
Those Jims of the world aren’t in this work for kudos and big
bucks.
They do it because it is right.
And they care to make this world a better place.
When Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life” he was
talking about the peacemakers and the justice seekers such as Jim.
He was telling his disciples…and by extension…telling all of
us…that the way…the truth…and the life is bound up in the commandment to love
one another… and do right by each other.
The way for us to live into that spirit of Isaiah’s prophetic
proclamation is to remember the lessons seen through Jim’s life.
The life of a true servant…a dedicated brother and loving partner…and
a friend and advocate to those who needed someone who would fight for their
rights and their dignity.
Jim left us too soon…that’s true.
His death hurts all of us who remember his warmth that radiated
through his entire being.
No one feels that loss heavier than those closest to him: Craig and
Glenn.
You two have been plunged into that valley of the shadow of death
that psalmist so aptly describes.
Grief does that. The shadows in that valley are long.
And the tears you shed are the rains that feed the river that runs
through that valley.
Your tears join with those of so many who know and have experienced
a profound loss and untimely end to a loved one’s life.
That valley walk hasn’t gotten any easier for any of us.
But I came across something recently in the prayers of our Jewish
siblings.
It was in their Yizkor service as part of their prayers on Yom
Kippur…the day of atonement.
And it made a very astute and important observation about the
promises made and kept in Psalm 23.
The psalmist doesn’t say that evil will end…or that suffering and
pain will be eradicated.
But the psalm does make one very important promise: You are not
alone.
Craig and Glenn: you aren’t on an island and alone in your grief.
Those here present with you today…Jon and
Nate…Tip…Allison…Nadine…all of us…everyone here are with you in that valley.
Our presence today is the reminder that you have many who will help
you as you navigate this path…and offer a helping hand when you trip over the
rocks along this journey.
This is the way…and the truth…and the life of how God works in our
realm…through the love we show and share with one another.
Jim is there with you too.
In every memory weaved into that tapestry of your lives together.
From the way his whole face lit up with his smile… to his discerning
tastes about what does and does not belong in gumbo.
He may not be here in body…but Jim lives on in your heart…and he’s
with you in spirit.
The spirit of the Lord is upon you…and me…and all of us…to remember
Jim’s dedication and love…and to be with you…and help you to carry on.
In the name of the one Holy and Undivided Trinity.
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