Rev. Bill Carroll's Comments

The Rev. Bill Carroll hit the nail on the head with this comment in re: "pastoral generousity" and C056:

If anyone has been generous these thirty years and more, it has been the LGBT faithful, who have endured from the Church they love a spectrum of pastoral care ranging from spiritual violence and rejection, on the one hand, to ambivalent and fickle tolerance, on the other, with an occasional outbreak of Kingdom hope here and there to sustain them on their wilderness journey.

Gee, ya think?! We have been patient, and kind... even when we've been feeling bruised and battered. Rev. Carroll in his posting on The Lead seems to take the Church to task for this language in C056 about giving generous pastoral care to LGBT faithful couples who seek marriage. Please note that Rev. Carroll currently resides in Akron, OH, and I have no idea if the man has ever lived and worshipped in the southeastern United States. The Church here is not the same as the Church that I grew up in in New Hampshire. And I'm not just talking about the difference between low and super Protestant vs. high and Anglo-Catholic! I read the "generous pastoral care" language as a prompting to those bishops who may be willing to provide shepherding to these "other" sheep if they can do it from the next room, so as to not "get any of it" on them. Again, the real test will be if everyone... laity up to fellow bishops... will have the patience, but determination, to encourage these bishops to a new understanding of the LGBT faithful in the pews, some of whom may emerge to push their D025 buttons by saying they believe they are being called to the ordained ministry. It is the Christian response of those who have been made strong in these resolutions to continually reach out to those who perceive themselves to be weak.

Ah, but then I'm generous! You can read the full article on The Episcopal Cafe by clicking HERE.

The Transfiguration

The Transfiguration by Giovanno Lanfranco

Now about eight days after these sayings Jesus took with him Peter and John and James, and went up on the mountain to pray. And while he was praying, the appearance of his face changed, and his clothes became dazzling white. Suddenly they saw two men, Moses and Elijah, talking to him. They appeared in glory and were speaking of his departure, which he was about to accomplish at Jerusalem. Now Peter and his companions were weighed down with sleep; but since they had stayed awake, they saw his glory and the two men who stood with him. Just as they were leaving him, Peter said to Jesus, ‘Master, it is good for us to be here; let us make three dwellings, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah’—not knowing what he said. While he was saying this, a cloud came and overshadowed them; and they were terrified as they entered the cloud. Then from the cloud came a voice that said, ‘This is my Son, my Chosen; listen to him!’ When the voice had spoken, Jesus was found alone. And they kept silent and in those days told no one any of the things they had seen. --Luke 9: 28-36

That's how Luke reports the Transfiguration, the moment when Peter, John and James see Jesus standing with the up-to-now known authorities and most-revered prophets. Here's how Mark's gospel describes the scene:

Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up a high mountain apart, by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no one on earth could bleach them. And there appeared to them Elijah with Moses, who were talking with Jesus. 5Then Peter said to Jesus, ‘Rabbi, it is good for us to be here; let us make three dwellings, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.’ He did not know what to say, for they were terrified. Then a cloud overshadowed them, and from the cloud there came a voice, ‘This is my Son, the Beloved; listen to him!’ Suddenly when they looked around, they saw no one with them any more, but only Jesus. As they were coming down the mountain, he ordered them to tell no one about what they had seen, until after the Son of Man had risen from the dead. So they kept the matter to themselves, questioning what this rising from the dead could mean. Then they asked him, ‘Why do the scribes say that Elijah must come first?’ He said to them, ‘Elijah is indeed coming first to restore all things. How then is it written about the Son of Man, that he is to go through many sufferings and be treated with contempt? But I tell you that Elijah has come, and they did to him whatever they pleased, as it is written about him.’ --Mark 9:2-13

It's interesting to me to think about this scene, especially as Mark recounts it. In Luke, the disciples seem to instinctively know not to say what they'd seen. In Mark, again, Jesus is reminding them not to take out an ad letting everybody know, "I saw Jesus with Moses and Elijah!" Also, as they discuss the return of the most mysterious Elijah, and the raising of the dead, there is the direct understanding that Jesus is foreshadowing his own future for the disciples... leaving them totally baffled. But there is a further understanding of "Son of Man" as not just Jesus but also an individual, or humanity. For me, this makes me think of how one becomes transformed, or transfigured, in spirit as one comes into relationship with God. It's not a sunny skies with rainbows and fluffy bunnies transformation. It can be a rocky, troublesome road as one strips away the "things" of the life they'd had to the life they are entering. I don't mean this to say that there is a 180-degree turnabout... and you become a completely different person. I s'pose that can happen. But from my experience, it feels more like the shedding of skin and the growing more fully into one's self. "Bigger and brighter", you might say.

I will bless the Lord at all times;

his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul makes its boast in the Lord;

let the humble hear and be glad.

O magnify the Lord with me,

and let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me,

and delivered me from all my fears.

Look to him, and be radiant;

so your faces shall never be ashamed.

This poor soul cried, and was heard by the Lord,

and was saved from every trouble.

The angel of the Lord encamps

around those who fear him, and delivers them.

O taste and see that the Lord is good;

happy are those who take refuge in him.

Psalm 34: 1-8

Nobody Said It Was Easy

I really could have subtitled this one, "Or Why I Think Queers Make the Best Christians!" In the Daily Office, we're making our way steadily through 2 Samuel, Acts of the Apostles, and the Gospel of Mark. I'll save the saga of King David and Paul's Excellent Adventures for another time. Today's gospel reading is one of those that calls for some attention.

He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.’ And he said to them, ‘Truly I tell you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see that the kingdom of God has come with power.’--Mark 8: 34-9:1

This is one of those lessons that, when it is part of the Sunday service, you can almost see it in the eyes of the congregation. A bit of uncomfortableness for some; casting side-glances to the floor; and then there are the ones who just stare blankly and you have no idea if they actually heard this piece of news from the Scriptures, or if they are planning the after-church brunch in their heads.

But speaking as an out lesbian, I remember when I heard this (and I mean really finally heard this lesson), I smiled knowingly. Because the richness of what one gains in losing their "life" to follow Christ is a similar richness that one gains when one "comes out" as gay, lesbian, bisexual or accepts a transgender identity. Because there are greater riches in what Jesus says if you put your faith and trust in him and the gospel. "Gospel", in this case as I understand it, meaning the Good News meaning eternal life as opposed to eternal death. Rather than worrying about what the neighbors will think, or questing after the Almighty Dollar as if that's a God, if you seek eternal life in God, you will gain a richness that comes from that feeling of being unconditionally loved and valued for who you are right now... with no strings attached, no hidden clauses or exceptions or black-out dates: "God's love is good only for Sunday mornings from 9-12"... NOT!

For someone gay, this declaration of identity as LGBT means a loss. For the queer, it could mean a loss of family, friends, job, children, home, or more frequently... the loss of a carefully-constructed straight persona. For a parent or partner of someone who comes out it could mean a loss of dreams built on an assumption that a child is straight or that a spouse is straight.

But how much more is gained in terms of your self-worth and your ability to experience true joy and happiness once you've kicked open the closet door!? And what are dreams for your children if they are built upon a false foundation of a reality that simply doesn't exist? The real life, the real experience, the real joy comes from that place of being honest about your sexual orientation. There is true freedom in being who you really are as opposed to what your "life" was supposed to look like.

I think it's the same story with Jesus. Sure, it's a lot easier to keep all your money and never share it with someone in need. Sure, it is uncomfortable to mingle with those who are not just like ourselves. Being a cheerleader for Christ feels better and is a lot safer than being an actual follower of his ethic of compassion, mercy and love. If we just do that whole "take up your cross and follow me thing" on Sunday mornings, that's sufficient.

No, not really. Not even hardly. In my own experience, once you've allowed God through Jesus Christ with the Holy Spirit to be the focal point of how you line up things in your life... you can't just make it a "Sunday only" practice. It becomes the way you live and move and have your being. Does that mean that you drop to your knees in prayer three or four times a day? No, not necessarily. But God is never far from my thinking and being as I interact with a stranger in a grocery store. Like in Barbara Brown Taylor's book, "An Altar in the World" or as I was taught to do in massage school, you learn to look at people in the eyes and allow their spirit and yours to have contact and recognition that "Here is another child of God."

I re-read an old post of mine from this blog called, "Divinely Dreamy Messages", and was struck again by the dream I'd had in which I saw so many different faces coming at me in rapid-fire succession. And then the voice: "These are the faces of God!" How simple and true a dream that was!

Just as I can't "turn off" being a lesbian, I can't "turn off" paying attention and trying to follow God. Perhaps because I'm already an outcast in society, adding another layer of whacky... actually showing forth praise of God not only with my lips, but in my life... is a step I can make. Who'll join me? Or are you happy to watch me carry my cross alone?

Something besides Sexuality

My blog, and my brain, has been all abuzz now for almost a month about the resolutions on human sexuality. Not surprising, right? I am a lesbian in the church, one of the faithful sitting in the pews or serving at the altar. And I am taking time to listen and follow as best as I can what I believe God is calling me to do.
One of the big no-brainers that I feel called to follow is remembering my life on the goat farm in Gainesville. It was a very bare-bones existence, something that was a necessary change in this march toward a total transformation of my reporter self to becoming the massage therapist and redeemed child of God I am becoming today. I learned a lot from my landlord about being careful with regard to what I threw away and where. He had me separate out my trash: paper items such as newspapers and jars or bottles could be recycled. My banana and orange peels could be composted. My paper towels and tissues could be set aside for his burn pile. And, in the end, one person living on Worth Auxier's farm would throw away maybe a couple of plastic wrappers and plastic bottle caps. On an average week, the amount of trash I'd send to the Gainesville landfill could fit inside a Glad Sandwich baggie... with some room. It was an eye-opening experience.
So, as I am preparing for another year of Education for Ministry, and hosting meetings of small groups, I have been thinking about the things that we throw away at the end of gatherings. And the thing that leaped out at me were the trash cans filled with plastic cups. And that's when I had the "Eureka!" moment to lay out the money for some tumblers and such that I can always collect at the end of the night, and take home and wash and reuse. I mean, why not? That's how I've been serving the after-massage water to my clients for the past six, almost seven, years. Not much, and yet it's a start toward being more conscious of what we contribute to the waste that seems to be the hallmark of the last several decades in the United States as we consume and consume and consume.
O God, our heavenly Father, you have blessed us and given us dominion over all the earth: Increase our reverence before the mystery of life; and give us new insight into your purposes for the human race, and new wisdom and determination in making provision for its future in accordance with your will; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
--Prayer for the Future of the Human Race, pg. 828

Shut up and Let the Women Do the Talking!

Sometimes, I just have to step aside and allow another blogger to take the ball and run with it. And this commentary by DESERT CHILD author Katie Sherrod definitely is a good one. I think she may have the solution to the MAN-made crisis of a potential split in the Anglican Communion!
And don't worry, guys: you don't lose anything in her proposal... except your right to keep flapping your gums about "those resolutions" from General Convention.

More Forward Progress

The slate of candidates for Suffragan Bishop in the Diocese of Los Angeles has been put for our perusal. What a group it is! And yes, it includes openly-gay, partnered people. They'll be selecting two from the list to join the Diocese, which has had a record of being promoters of social justice... including speaking out against Proposition 8 during the last election. You can read the biographies of the candidates HERE.

It's important to note that just because a diocese has gay and lesbian nominees, it doesn't mean that a gay or lesbian person will be selected. However, had we still been living in the "season of gracious restraint", these priests would not be allowed to be considered.

Meanwhile, those of us living in the southeastern United States, continue to see what's happening elsewhere with hope that this new season will eventually reach us. Many of the bishops from this area of the country will likely vote not to consent to the election of a bishop who is openly gay or lesbian... whether they have a partner or not. Fr. Mark Harris posted at PRELUDIUM the "pastoral letter" from Bishop MacPherson of Western Louisiana. +MacPherson's letter encourages calm, but makes clear that he is not comfortable with the direction the National Church is moving. Like with all bishops in his place, the best thing I can offer is to always return to the phrase repeated hundreds of times in Scripture: Do Not Be Afraid. If fear is allowed to be the driving force of response, then that will be trouble. Calm, that is a better response. Looking to God's mission for us as people of God: this is the place where we, who are in disagreement on matters of human sexuality, can find each other as living members of the body of Christ.

Hopefully, in that finding, we'll also see each other fully.

On Shootings and Burnings

The news of the past 24 hours from around the globe has been quite disturbing.

In Tel Aviv, a gunman opened fire in a gay club, killing three and injuring several others. The gunman, armed with an automatic weapon, shot up the club where a support group for Israeli LGBT teen-agers was meeting. He fled the scene and is apparently still on the loose, leading authorities to shut down another gay night club in Tel Aviv as a precaution. While some on the Internet are suggesting this was an attack motivated by the constant Palestinian-Israeli clashes in the area, it seems more likely this was about killing gay people. And, since we don't know who the shooter is, we don't know if it was someone who was a Muslim or a Jew. What we do know is that three teen-agers, who had come to a support group meeting, are dead. And their safe space was violently violated.

Gay leaders in Tel Aviv are suspicious that this attack was fueled by religious bigotry against gay people, something with which many LGBT people are sadly familiar. And it always raises the question to me of how anyone can read religious texts and find support in them for killing people you don't like. I have not read the Qu'ran, but in what I have heard from listening to faithful Muslims, the twisted logic that leads some to strap on bombs to their bodies to blow up other people is not something that is a common widespread belief in Islam. And what makes that form of terrorism any more heinous than the misuse of Torah or the Bible to justify extremism by Jews or Christians? It all has its roots of craziness in fundamentalism.

Such fundamentalism, and extremism, is also the agent that would push a crowd of vigilante Muslims to invade a Christian neighborhood in the Punjab region of Pakistan and torch the homes of Christians, burning alive six followers of Christ. There had been a rumor that Christians in the village had desecrated a copy of the Holy Qu'ran. There is no evidence that this happened, but never let the facts get in the way of good fundamentalist head of steam! The violence has escalated to such an extent that Pakistani President Zadari ordered additional police dispatched into the area to quell the uprising. In all, Pakistani news sources are reporting 800 people have been arrested for rioting and killing.

All of this violence. All of this hatred. All of this fueled by fundamentalism, extremism.... and the very basic baseline human emotion: fear.

Fear of the other, in this case. Fear and loathing of the other. So strange to have this on the day when the Ephesians reading clearly states:

"I, the Prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

In more plain language... "Be who you are and can't we all just get along?"

Seriously: can't we?!?!