Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Deliver Us From Uterus

For those of you outside the state of Florida, please understand that we have a very special population that appears like a fungus in Tallahassee each year called the state legislature. For two months (sometimes more!) these elected representatives of the people come together to commit crimes of no compassion on the meek and lowly, and random acts of meanness mixed in with crass, rude and otherwise stupid behavior.

I spent twleve years covering this stuff as a public radio reporter. Trust me; I know what I'm talking about here.

But recently the House Speaker hit a homerun in the utterly absurd department when he chastised a member of the chamber for using the term "uterus" in a debate. State Representative Scott Randolph, an Orlando Democrat, was making an argument on the floor of the House, defending workers' rights against Republican attempts to bust unions. He repeated a comment that his wife had made to him at dinner one night as they discussed the GOP's 18 anti-abortion bills:
"If my wife incorporated her uterus, you all would say hands off. If my friends incorporated their bedroom, you'd say hands off. But now we're standing here and we're saying we're going to increase regulation on a specific type of membership organization. And that's unions."

Shortly after that, word reached Rep. Randolph through the Minority Leader that he was not to use references to body parts in debate. Apparently, House Speaker Dean Cannon was concerned that the teenagers working as pages in the chamber would be scarred for life by hearing "Uterus".

No, I am not making this up.

Had the Speaker left well enough alone, nobody would have given a damn about Randolph's statement. But now, "Uterus" has become the word du jour or mois!

Legislators and lobbyists are sporting pink buttons with the word in big, bold, black capital letters. And there are postings all over Facebook as women flaunt the fact that we have a uterus. You've heard of "penis envy". Well, clearly the House Speaker is in want of a womb. Perhaps this is what really lies behind the Republicans insatiable appetite for anti-abortion legislation. Perhaps these men are feeling incomplete, inadequate, and they long for a pair... of fallopian tubes.


As one friend pointed out, perhaps the Speaker didn't hear what was said and thought that Randolph's wife wanted to "neuter us". Hmmm... yes. Be afraid, Mr. Speaker. Be very, very, very afraid!


Kay & Sarah said...

Maybe they should be forced to attend and watch the Vagina Monologues one evening. Get the University's to sponsor the play. Hum, what would they say about women coming together and shouting "Cunt"!

Kay & Sarah said...

Susan, I went to a women's health conference since I am a nurse practitioner. Lots of speakers ........drs, nps, etc. One was a female ob/gyn who had a young daughter.....maybe 5 or 6. The dr. said that the it was her daughter's day to take something to school for Show and Tell. The little girl got a plastic model of a "youterus" to take. The dr. let her daughter take it BUT she tell teach her how to spell the word correctly. Can you imagine how enlightened that class is now!!

Anonymous said...

Your legislature is very strange and this is the worse I've ever seen. What next.


Manny said...

Having a working brain is not a requirement for public office in Florida. All you have to do is watch the addle-pated legislature in action and see for yourself. You need a strong stomach.

SCG said...

Manny: cast iron, preferably!

Kay and Sarah: If you made our state legislators watch the Vagina Monologues, they would no doubt want to out law the play, or (funnier) insist that boys need to have affirmation and would insist on the Penis Plays!

Anonymous Peggins: our state legislature is "special". Always has been. Probably, always will be!