Friday, April 26, 2013

The Prodigal Cat

My dear friends across the street have had a miraculous event happen: they've been reunited with their orange tabby cat, Boris, who went missing in December, 2006.  He had been staying with another friend while this couple was in Texas following the death of one of their fathers.  The day before his favorite mother, D., was to return, Boris disappeared.  He had F-I-V, and so we all assumed that when we couldn't find him anywhere, that he'd gone off into some wooded area to die.  Instead, he somehow ended up clear on the other side of the city where he's been a loner for the past six-and-a-half years!  He was in rough shape, and needed to have all his teeth pulled, but at least he's alive. 

Now, my friends still had another cat named Tweety.  And she is not as excited at the return of her wayward older brother.  D. came across the street last night, in what I would call a "contained fret" over how these two cats will manage when she and her wife, T., are away, leaving a housesitter to maintain order.  The discussion inspired this version of the famous Lukian Gospel story.  I present to you, "The Holy Gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ according to Luck":

Then Jesus said, ‘There were two lesbians who had two cats. The older orange boy cat, known for his street smarts but not his ability to fight, waited for his parents to return from a semester away. A few days before the first mother was to come home, the orange boy travelled to a distant country, and there he squandered his time living on canned food off Highway 20. When his teeth rotted and he became so sick, a family that had taken care of him realized they didn't have money to fix his teeth. They said, " We will get up and go to the vet, and we will say to her,

‘Doctor, we have no money under heaven here on earth to give you to fix this cat's teeth; we are no longer worthy to take care of him. Put him to sleep’ ” But the vet checked the cat, and discovered the microchip and went to the lesbians. And while he was still suffering in the vet's office, his parents saw him and were filled with compassion; and they held him, and he buried his face in the armpit of his favorite lesbian mom. And the orange boy cat cast his eyes down. But the lesbians wrote emails and texted and called all their friends, “Quickly, bring out the Friskies Turkey and Egg—the best wet food —and put it in front of him; and brush his fur, and give him the fluffiest pillow in the TV room and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of ours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!” And they began to celebrate.

Now the younger pretty black girl cat was in the yard; and when she came and approached the house, she heard meowing and cooing. She peered through the door and wondered what was going on. Then one of her aunties said, “Your brother has come, and your moms had his teeth pulled, because they got him back safe and sound.” Then she became angry and refused to go in and stayed out until after midnight several days in a row. Her parents came out and began to plead with her. But she swished her tail in protest as if to say, “Listen! For all these years I have been a constant companion for you, and I have never runaway for long; yet you have never given me exactly the food I want so that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has broken your hearts, you give him turkey and egg!” Then the lesbian moms said to her "Tweety, you are always with us, and all that is ours, our bed, our couches, our leather chairs, are yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.”

The Gospel of the Lord... according to Luck!

1 comment:

Phoebe McFarlin said...

Read this blog and you'll hear the Bible stories you never heard before! :)