Friday, December 4, 2009

Lessons Learned From the Road

It was amazing! The Celebration of New Ministry of Mtr. Lee Franklin Shafer was a wonderful event with incense, and bells, and paper doves, gorgeous chanting of the Gospel of John, and a sermon by Rev. Dr. Christopher Bryan that needs to be packaged and delivered and played for every single Episcopal congregation and priest. Bryan highlighted not only the awesome responsibility that a rector takes on, but the importance of the congregation doing its part to support the ministry of their new rector by rising to the occasion and taking part in that ministry. The two-way street... and the give-and-take... is what grows a parish; not just "Super Priest" who magically makes everything run like clockwork... and grows money on trees... and plants bushes full of new young families. One person is still just one person... even with a title. Amen and Amen!

And, much like my first trip to Grace Episcopal in Anniston, the people out-did themselves in hospitality. They remembered me from a year ago! I attended their church one Sunday, almost 365 days ago, and I was getting intercepted left and right in the reception hall with folks greeting me, hugging me, offering to put me up in their homes WHEN I come back (IF I come back is not allowed!). And I heard again, and again, and again how blessed they felt, how happy they were to have this woman in charge. I even saw the joy of this congregation in their young acolytes ringing the bells: two boys gripping the ropes and riding them up off the floor, letting their legs swing as the bells pealed out across the city. I couldn't help it: the kid in me chuckled and egged them on with a, "Yeah! Yeah!!"

My gift to my friend and mentor was to take away the burden of recording this service, so the church can post the sound on its website. Sometimes it's useful to have a technical talent!

So, Anniston proved itself to be a welcoming venue to the stranger, the obvious stranger, in their midst. This is in stark contrast to what I got when I arrived at a McDonald's in Opelika, AL. McDonald's is not my favorite food fare, but the coffee is passable, and more importantly, the restrooms tend to be clean. So, I left my traveling companion... the famous Peggins or Hurricane Peg... to attend to the call of nature.

Unfortunately for me, a McDonald's worker saw me entering the women's bathroom. And this is where things start to fall apart. As I'm in the stall, the worker, a middle-aged African-American woman, yelled out, "Sir, you're in the wrong bathroom!" I knew this was directed at me. I am used to the gender confusion when I'm in line at a check out counter and increasingly public restrooms are becoming a problem, too. I ignored her, but she persisted.

"Sir, you are IN the WRONG bathroom!!"

My anger overcame me.

"I am a WOMAN!!!" The worker started to stammer and try to explain that my short-hair had been confusing, but I would hear none of it. "I know what you thought!! Now please: LEAVE!!" She did, but nature's call had now been emptied through my anger and shouting over a bathroom stall. Upon exiting, I found this worker talking to the Hurricane who was at mere Tropical Storm strength as she was explaining to this woman that my flattop hair cut was akin to the actress Grace Jones. The worker looked at me.

"I am sorry. Please, forgive me."

I glared into her eyes. "You are forgiven." I noticed the crucifix lapel pin on her McDonald's uniform. "May God bless you!"

"Bless you, too," she said, as she started to sweep the floor.

You'd think that would be it, right? I had forgiven, and even asked for God's blessing on her. But I was bothered, deeply bothered, for next 30 or so minutes of the trip. Not so much about the incident any more, but about the fact that, in my heart, I really had NOT forgiven this person for her error. She represented for me the culmination of hundreds of times when I have been mistaken for a man. I sometimes joke about it, saying that if I'm going to be called, "Sir" then somebody better start paying me like I am a sir! I felt awful. And I reflected on this place of feeling like a fraud, a forgiveness fraud. In Matthew, Peter asks that question about, "If someone sins against me, how often must I forgive? As many as seven times?" And then Jesus answers, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times." So, here I am... still enraged, even after having said, "You are forgiven." And realizing that while I used the second-person forgiveness, I had not forgiven her. And I was still bothered, and angry... and at least seventy-six steps away from having done the forgiveness I could have done at one time... if I'd been sincere. That's a sobering thought while traveling toward Columbus, GA! But a good one. A teaching one.

Perhaps, she reflected on the situation and will be more careful about her gender assumptions. But I would not be surprised if she does not amend her ways because she may have felt the coldness and insincerity of my forgiveness because I had not made it a first-person "I" forgive you. And in this way, I feel I have not done either of us a service. Still, I am sincere in hoping that through this, God has still blessed both of us in ways that are God's own. For me, it is the realization of what it takes to live up to that commandment from John's Gospel heard last night at the service: "To love one another as I have loved you." A hard, but good, lesson from the road.

2 comments:

Phoebe said...

How often we humans go from mountain top (heavenly) experiences and find ourselves deep in a dark valley of despair. We begin the climb back to the plateau of everyday life by forgiving ourselves so we can love (and forgive) others. Been there, done that, been there, done that, been there, done that. God's love reached me and gave me the strength.. again again and again. You too, again, again, and again. Don't let the 'valley' taint the 'mountain top'.

SCG said...

Glad this got up here, Phoebe. I have not forgotten the mountain top experience. It was so good to be in that place and to experience the "good and right and joyful" thing! And Prayer D!! :)