St. Thomas and Trust

Everliving God, who strengthened your apostle Thomas with
firm and certain faith in your Son's resurrection: Grant us so
perfectly and without doubt to believe in Jesus Christ, our
Lord and our God, that our faith may never be found wanting
in your sight; through him who lives and reigns with you and
the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

These days, I find I can really relate to Thomas.

He is referred to as "Doubting Thomas" for his unwillingness to believe that the resurrected Christ really was standing in front of him until he'd placed his fingers in the marks on Jesus' hands and side. His behavior has become slang for a person who won't accept something even when the facts of the thing are staring him or her in the face.

As I listened to this collect and some of the readings associated with Thomas' feast day, it struck me that even more than calling him "doubting" we should also think about his "trusting".

This is where Thomas and I become twins. It seems that he did have trust in God, but it wasn't boundless. I sometimes feel this way, too. As much as I am willing to believe and hold fast to what is an unprovable truth, that God exists and came into the world as a human to touch us and be with us in the struggle of life, I still find myself holding back.

What would it be to fully let go and let God? I have had glimpses of this. It is energizing and leaves me slack-jawed when I do. What would it be to live this all the time? This would mean really giving up control and knowing that all will be well, even if I can't plot and plan the course.

As if to give me tangible evidence of this, I've been experiencing one challenge to control after another today:

• My car, which had been pulling so hard to the right I was going to name it "John McCain", needed two new tires. The front right one was about to shred; hence the pulling.


• The electricity went out, which not only interrupted my phone and internet, my oven is now kaput because of it. Luckily, the range still works!


• A client showed up at my office wondering where I was. I called her back to say that she was a day early. Then it turns out she couldn't make her actual scheduled appointment. Thankfully, we have worked out another time.

So much for control, eh?!

The challenges of life are one thing. And they can lead to that all-too-common wail, "Why me, God? Why me?" God has nothing to do with Tallahassee utilities, or the roads that ruined my tire. But it is when life gets rough that I have been most prone to lose trust and think that I must be the butt of some cruel joke. That was true of our ancestors in Christianity to whom Peter writes,

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who are being protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, even if now for a little while you have had to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith—being more precious than gold that, though perishable, is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.--1Peter 1:3-7

Even when you're faith is being put to the test by killings and beatings, as was happening to the early Christians, hold fast and trust that God has got your back. Always. And so, on this feast day of St. Thomas, I ask for an expansion of my trust that God, the alchemist of my self, may continue to craft and form me.