But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. (Matt 13:16)
And I thought, "Are you serious?? Blessed??" What have my eyes seen and my ears heard lately?
Cowardice. Fear. Control. Anger. Hurt. These are very loud, incessant and ever-present noises that blow tons of smoke and drown out the beauty and the joy in the world. Even on a gorgeous, spring day in Tallahassee, I found it hard to find what was the blessing of this life. And I'm tired. I'm tired of the pitting of my rights as a gay person against the rights of a business owner to deny me a job or services. I'm tired of having to beg for the indulgence of being allowed such rights in the first place. I'm tired of Christians who keep quiet about injustice, and the others who claim to put on the mantle of Christ and then use that mantle to wrap themselves in their cowardice, fears, control, anger and hurt toward other people. I'm just plain tired!!
And I'm blessed? My mentor once told me that the closer I move toward God, the more the forces that are not "of God" will try to interfere and push me away. And "blessing", in this instance, means "possessing an inward contentedness and joy that is not affected by physical circumstances".
So clearly, I have to get back to contentedness and joy because the physical circumstances are burying me. I have a plan on how to do that.
The upside: I have received word from many of my Episcoposse that they have heard my cry for prayerful help, and are doing so. Thank you all, and peace be with you.
In the meantime, know that the bad behavior of 'the world' as of late has been making me very tired. Take responsibility for yourselves, and stop projecting all your fear and anger stuff onto me. Is there something wrong with letting people be people (be they gay, straight, Christian or atheist)?