Holy Saturday Tiredness

O God, Creator of heaven and earth: Grant that, as the
crucified body of your dear Son was laid in the tomb and
rested on this holy Sabbath, so we may await with him the
coming of the third day, and rise with him to newness of life;
who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one
God, for ever and ever. Amen.

This morning as I went through the ritual of Morning Prayer I could feel how tired I am. So this idea of resting, so that I might rise in the newness of life sounds like a plan to me!

My tiredness isn't just a physical one brought on by the abundance of pollen in the Tallahassee air. I am tired mentally. I am tired emotionally. I have had a lot on my mind and my heart during this Holy Week, some of which I have expressed here. Some of it has to do with the Church (universal and local). Some of it is has to do with my many secular activities. No matter the cause of my tiredness, I feel it and I know that at various times during the week, I have wanted to hide in a cave.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. --Hebrews 4: 15-16

In discussing some of what has been ailing my mind and spirit during confession yesterday, I was told to remember that important part of the passion play in the garden of Gesthemane. Jesus, knowing what is coming his way and the pain he must endure, demonstrates his full humanity by begging "let this cup pass from me." He "gets it". He knows that there are those times when life and 'the world' can feel too heavy to stand up, and that the responsibilities we're asked to shoulder may seem like they're too much. And yet he still says, "Not my will, but thy will be done."

I do not know, nor do I presume to know, what God's purpose is for me and my tiredness. I feel that God's presence and persistence in my life is for a reason. I feel as though all things that I am doing, and facing, are all a part of a greater plan which will be unfolded at the time when it needs to be unfolded. There is a legal term for that: "ripe", much like the fruit on the vine.

For now, I need to rest.