++Rowan Rescues Us From Rapture

H/T to Mad Priest of "Of Course, I Could Be Wrong"

In an amazing turn of events not predicted by Harold Camping, the Archbishop of Canterbury's insistence that all members of the Anglican Communion be of one mind on the issue of the Rapture seems to have put the eschatological event on hold, requiring years of a listening process and many more drafts of the Rapture Covenant. 

Oh, no! We've been taken!

The biggest hang up seems to be the debate in the communion over exactly which 144,000 Anglicans are going to be whisked away.  Section Four of the final draft allows the Instruments of Communion to extend the invitation to the Rapture to other churches in communion with Canterbury; however this may cause an issue with the number of Anglicans allowed to ascend.   Some bishops have voiced concerns that Lutherans might crowd out deserving Anglicans.  Another issue arises in Section 4.2 of the Rapture Covenant.  The Standing Committee has been given blanket authority to settle disputes amongst Anglicans in the worldwide Communion over which members are worthy of joining Jesus and which will be left behind.   Rapturous members are allowed to challenge the inclusion of any other rapturous person who they feel isn't rapturous enough.   Already, many dioceses in the United States have said they think this whole idea is a ridiculous fiction being pushed by a radical fundamentalist with a microphone in California.   And the GAFCONistas have refused to accept the Rapture Covenant, preferring their Hell's Bells Declaration signed and sealed in a Dallas megachurch. They're hoping to be delivered from having to spend one minute in eternity with women and gays.

Failing to have full agreement, the Archbishop has insisted on postponing the Rapture until he can strong arm everyone into a "bond of ascension."